Sharing Mother’s Day
At Little Angel Adoptions, our lives are touched every day by incredible mothers. On this Mother’s Day, we want to share the story of two phenomenal mothers, Jennifer and Jessica, whose lives are connected by a beautiful adoption story.
Tell us about your adoption story!
For many years I had dreams and thoughts hinting about adoption being a part of my life, I just never knew where it would come into play. When I found out that I was 7 months pregnant, it became clear. In that “What do I do?” moment, choosing adoption was an easy decision because my mind had been going over that possibility for ages.
When I talked to Little Angel Adoptions, they were very nice and understanding and I was glad they were able to mail me everything so quickly. It took less than 2 weeks for me to pick out a family for my son. After I narrowed my picks down, I had few of my friends come over to help me pick out my final 3. Jen and Tony were my #2 pick simply because they lived in Texas and already had a daughter. The first family I chose lived in California and didn’t have any kids yet, so I wanted to help them start their family. When Little Angels called them, they said that the wife was able to get pregnant so they would not be going through with an adoption. It turned out that Jen and Tony were more perfect than I ever could have imagined!
It was actually Mother’s Day weekend when we got a phone call from Little Angels about a potential match. We were about 6 weeks out of a failed adoption and were trying so hard not to get our hopes up and keep our fears at bay. Our fears were put to ease on our first phone call with Jessica — she was beyond easy to talk to.
What is your relationship like with each other? What has brought you closer together?
We talk all the time — I actually talk to Jen more than I do my own mother. Ha!
Our relationship grew quickly when at 36 weeks Jessica found out that the baby would have a heart condition and require a special birthing plan. Jessica was such a trooper through all the doc appointments and phone calls.
Luke has been in and out of the hospital a lot and has already had one heart surgery. Sometimes I have terrifying moments where I think the next call I get will be to tell me that his heart couldn’t take it anymore. Then my rational mind kicks back in, I breathe deep and I am reminded that Luke is far stronger than the doctors originally thought he would be. I am grateful that his parents have access to some of the best pediatric cardiologists in the country. I’m nothing but happy about this adoption. Luke is receiving better medical care than I ever could have afforded for his heart condition, and his family gets to take lots of fun trips and create amazing memories together.
The day before her scheduled induction we all met and had a chance to just hang out together. I think that night is when we realized that the next day we would not just gain a son but also an amazing extended family. It wasn’t an easy birth for Jessica, and Luke spent the first days of his life in the NICU, but we all made it through together and our new family was cemented.
What’s it like to share Mother’s Day and the title “Mother?”
I still remember the day I asked Jessica if she was ok with us calling her Momma Jess. We didn’t want to step over any boundaries and I wanted her to be comfortable with what Luke would call her. Luckily, our relationship with Jessica is so very open that this wasn’t a hard conversation to have — and being the kick-butt lady that she is, she liked the name. It’s kind of funny that Luke’s sister also refers to her as Momma Jess and I love it. In fact, Jessica’s mom is called Grandma Julie and her stepdad in Grandpa Rob in our house. It’s no joke when I say we became a big family when Luke was born. We have been so blessed to have them in our lives.
I’m not a big fan of “birth mother’s day.” It may be great for some families, but not ours. Luke is being raised to know that he has 2 moms who love him and just because he doesn’t see Momma Jess every day doesn’t mean that she matters any less than me. She is still his mom. I don’t believe in putting a separation between the both of us, we are both his moms. Momma Jess and I talked about and agreed that Mother’s Day should be a celebration of both of us. To us it just makes sense.
I kinda feel like celebrating a separate “birth mother’s day” is cheapening our role as mothers. A mother is a mother no matter how she fulfills that role so long as she does it with love. Separating birth moms from every other mother on the planet only helps perpetuate the idea that we are somehow “not good enough” and if open adoption communication is the ultimate goal, everyone has to feel like they are worth something to the rest of their adoption family.
Do you have advice for other adopting parents and birth parents out there?
The adoption process is not always an easy one. We all come to it for different reasons and our journeys take different roads. We have experienced so many ups and downs but every time I look at our 2 little ones playing, it’s all worth it. Our daughter’s adoption ended up with CPS involved to remove her from her birth mom and having been told to never have contact with her. Our family went through a failed adoption that hurt at the time but we came to realize that wasn’t meant to be. Then our son Luke’s adoption happened and it is completely open and loving. If I had any advice it would be to keep your head up high and believe in the process — the right child and birth mom will find you.
I have the same message for the birth parents as I do for the adoptive parents — Always communicate. Talk about your fears, talk about what you need, just talk about your day if that’s all you want to do. Find your support system.
Lastly, don’t let people make you think what you’re doing is a sacrifice. Placing your child is giving a GIFT to an incredibly deserving family. I really feel like this is one of the few situations where everybody wins. The child gets to live an amazing life, you get to continue improving yourself, and your child’s family gets to complete themselves. For me, Luke’s birth made me work harder to establish my small business and continue to become a better more responsible person because I want to be someone he is proud of while he grows up.